was satisfied to play and be by myself. I never felt it was necessary to prove to myself or anyone else that I was a manly type by doing some daring feat. I was mechanically inclined and was interested in anything mechanical, I was ashamed of my desire to dress as a girl, but had very little control over that desire. It was always a closely guarded secret. I never felt I was meant to be a girl nor had any desire to be one. suspect I was a little envious of all the attention my sisters seemed to get and wanted some myself.
•
I
There was an old trunk kept in the attic called, "the give away trunk" All the clothes that had been outgrown by the woman folk or were out of style, found their way to this trunk. As the girls grew older and be- came more stylish in their dress this trunk was usually full of all kinds of feminine finery. I soon discovered I could raid this trunk for almost a complete costume, including corsets and lingerie. I could spend many de- lightful minutes in dressing and wearing these beloved garments (always in the strictest privacy) and return them to the trunk with no one being the wiser.
During my school days no hint of my secret was ever discovered. I took part in the school athletic activities, but was no great star in any of them. In my senior year I was a member of the school football team, but was never a feature player or had any desire to be one.
I was always interested in any news of men or boys masquerading as the opposite sex. This was also a closely guarded secret, for I didn't dare let any one know how much such stories interested me. Often after I had gone to bed at night I lay awake dreaming up stories, where I masqueraded as a beautiful woman with gorgeous gowns and lingerie. Of course, in these dreams I was such an expert impersonator that my true sex was never suspected! This was all fantasy and not a breath of such thoughts was ever allowed to come out.
I knew I had no desire for my own sex, I liked girls, but was too shy and bashful to have any girl friends. As the years went by some of that shyness and bashfulness slowly disappeared, and I found I could. talk with a girl without being embarrassed to a state
34